Values: The unique 'Thermostat, Equilibrium or Zen' around how one goes about spending their 'limited time' on the planet! - عدنان
We all need to know our core VALUES in life? The same way everyone has a personality irrespective of their awareness of it. Even if you’ve never thought about it or listed your values – they are ALWAYS shinning through HOW you spend your time & life in light of personal conditioning, experiences, narratives and decisions etc etc.
The funny thing about values is, that they are NOT what we preach (seldom do), wish, want them to be: On the contrary, they demonstrate the best & worst thing about us (more than often productive & dark side of the same coin).
For example, you value personal development therefore you are reading this article. However, to do so, your are giving up on watching TV, swiping Tinder or Bumble to do this activity. Similarly, you develop your Passive Income after work or go to gym or take care of your grandmother, instead of getting drunk or gamble with work colleagues – that shows the way you spend your time & life.
More importantly it shows your personalised ‘WHY’ to things: the way you choose, filter and spend your time to build your Ideal life. When summed up, they make up your identity and reason behind your interests, decisions, problems and probably the Actual RELIGION in your life.
How to FIND YOUR VALUES & APPLY the above in your personalised ideal life* instantly? Use the template below:
*Disclaimer: No one knows what you want for an ideal life or give you your values – It is for you to figure out. I often joke with my mother that the same way, I can’t have food and expect her to have a full stomach. We cannot hold ourselves responsible for things we have no control over despite our good intentions around things such as other people’s actions, time, emotion, finances, happiness, weather, orbiting the sun etc etc.
If change was as simple as knowing information - then we'd all be millionaires with six-pack abs - Derek Silverman.
| What someone actually gives a f*ck about against what they presume, tell others, wish, pretend and preach | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hours per week: 168 ACTUAL Hours/week: 128 (after work) and merely 72 (after work & sleep) | ||||
| Activity | Hours/Week | Value Hierarchy | High/Low vs Expectation | Action/Comment |
| Online Shopping/Keeping up with Joneses | 15 hours | 2 | Higher | Run of the mill capitalism slavery - buying external things for self worth. I should find a a deeper purpose than just avocado lifestyle & pursuit of happiness interest payment by breaths! |
| Binge Watching TV | 14 hours | 3 | Higher | Have you seen manifested? Also the one with Johnny Depp’s daughter? |
| Exercise | 5 hours | 6 | Lower | Show up more at the gym/pool/park! You're not too old to get fit - you are too comfortable with mediocrity. |
| Gambling/Pubs | 16 hours | 1 | Higher | The chosen escapism instead of therapy/psychologist |
| Cooking | 8 hours | 5 | Lower | I thought this took longer so I spent life on Uber Eats |
| Relationships/Dating Applications | 1 hour | 6 | Why Bother - no one is good enough for me. | Can’t wait for knight in shining armor and Women are not feminine anymore crowd! |
| Socialisation | 12 | 4 | Lower | Self-love king/queen |
| Reading | 0 hours | ?? | N/A | Only for Nerds – Insta & TikTok university for life |
| Meditation/Religion | ?? | | | |
| Family/Relationships/Children | ?? | | | Life stages/areas that need to be fostered for a more fulfilling life! |
| Personal Business/Side Hustle | ?? | | | Do you want to escape the Rat Race? Paycheck always equal or less than Spending hamster wheel? |
Lets be honest, preaching something and not doing it is just words charades for ego posture, association for validation and general human narcissism of creating narratives with ourselves as lord and saviour or plaster saint virtue signalling for influence.
TIME may dictate our CURRENT values but adopting new values requires change in BEHAVIOUR. More so, human BEHAVIOUR is primarily governed by HABITS.
For example, I have played sports, gym, exercised most part of my childhood, teen & adult life – but it took me 15 years to do a 3 – 6 minutes plank first thing every morning. Mainly, because I had to strengthen my core to be younger than my biological age – a personal goal (Value: Exercise). I have known this for years that 1-2 min planks can go a long way, I even had a Personal Trainer (Bladen – Big Man) & Physio (Hi, Jerry!) for the better part of the past decade – why is it so hard to spare 5 mins in a day for something that is so liberating? Because it took change of behaviour (forced due to aging/illness) which was repeated over a decent period of time (60 days) for it to become a HABIT (well sort of – I gym from 10pm to 12am, so kind of hurts doing this at 7am everyday).
Update – Dec23: Daily Planks are now 10-15mins everyday and personal best is 30 minutes & 30 seconds in a single plank!
In TikTok/lifehack terms, New Values = Repeated Behaviour x Time (HABITS)
I can say hand on heart - This Is It! This is how we stop wishing, expecting or demanding a better life - this is how we BECOME a better life. This is the highest form of integrity - aligning your actions with your values - cure for all cognitive dissonances and (probably) personality disorders. The highest form of success is - 'saying' what 'you do' and 'doing' what 'you say'! - عدنان
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on what have you noticed in your values? Do you have contradicting values? You want to excel at work (boss man/lady) but also want to be famous (Insta, OF & LinkedIn) and raise a fantastic family too (Proud mommy, The Arab uncle Husband & Father tag)? What do we do when 3 positive values collide? In full transparency, the image below show mine which I recalibrate weekly and monthly to ensure that progress in all core areas in a balanced way for a Valued Existence & IDEAL life for myself and others!
