I came across this beautiful piece by Neil Strauss (American Author – The Truth) which coincided with a personal mind-boggling meta-analysis tracing facets of childhood experiences (our dear exclusive personal conditioning) that feeds into our current personality, anti-fragility and level of general consciousness evolution.
This is an attempt to look back at the buttons (survivalist approaches and defense mechanisms) that I was installed with at the start of my life:
Preach virtues of your own tribe and find self-worth in prosecuting the vices of others.
Read a book that’s your gospel and make no effort to understand/incorporate it in your life. Mostly use it to run a cognitive dissonance of toxic moral righteousness on others and use it for manipulation for self-interest.
Blind loyalty to your tribe is respect, loyalty and affection instead of being a boundary violation by compromising your self-worth.
Unstable self-esteem or toxic self-esteem are the only options – I’m not good enough to I’m the best switch.
Survivalist mentality (food/shelter) is the only way to exist. Remember the world is a jungle, hunt and kill or be killed. Dysfunctional fight and flight response-based life.
I was told your self-confidence and self-worth is ALWAYS external to your being i.e., degree, job, title, bank account, neighbours, family validation, wife, kids, property etc. etc. Essentially you are hostage to other people’s perceptions about your existence.
Source: Pinterest
Finally, after a couple of decades, I’m learning that all of the above has nothing to do with me. In fact even more so:
The peeps were just as human as me, so basically largely confused and full of Sh*t.
I learnt that in deep communities’ status is based on internal metrics, humility, curiosity, generosity, and service of others.
I learnt it’s mandated upon us to know every minutiae of our existence. Self-knowledge is the mother of all knowledge – Rumi
I learnt it’s better to exist like a) drifting cloud and b) flowing water, it retains nothing, and it resists nothing.
Also, I’m learning to forgive myself and others. Most people aren’t evil, they’re just batshit ignorant and have wrongly convinced themselves that they’re always right because their caretakers fucked them up as well.
I learnt 40% of personality is inherited and 100% of its responsibility and accountability for happiness, healing and living a valued existence is with nobody else than myself.
I read somewhere; Maturity is being a better friend to yourself. Also, the best way to help someone else is by being a person who doesn’t need help themselves.
The only flaw in this life is to be ignorant of our own flaws. People might be responsible for our unhappiness and damaging us. But, no one has the accountability for healing us, happiness and life other than ourselves. I say become the parent, friend, partner, boss, employee – that you never had instead of wishing or expecting it! – Adnan
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